dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
