after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
