Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
