Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
