This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
