were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
