It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science