We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.