wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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