guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
