i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
