dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
