No awkward lesbian experiences without me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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