I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
