sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
