hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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