i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
