$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
