Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
