Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
