Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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