so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
