I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
