he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
