I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
