Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
