a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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