And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
