Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
