just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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