I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
this beer tastes like vomit already
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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