Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
