saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
