your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize