So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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