Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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