I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
