Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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