I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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