what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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