the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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