I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
