i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
