the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
