If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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