She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
