Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
