i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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