nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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