I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
