At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
