Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
