I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just found puke in my bra..
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
