my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
