Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
