We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The Olympian is in my bed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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