let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
