gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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