I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I want to make a zoo with you.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
