Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
