GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
