There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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