There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
