the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
