well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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