I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My dick has a subreddit
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
