And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Randomize
