I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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