My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
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and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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