didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
