This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
