sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
