Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
