How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
