this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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