if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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