i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
tonight lets celebrate not being married
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
