Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
