I need to stop coming to work sober
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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