He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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