her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
