real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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