we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
