Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
