my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
