This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize