okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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