I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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