She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
