there's paper in my vomit.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
