i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
