dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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