Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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